WWJD - A Bit of Humor

On one of the various Yahoo groups I am on, someone provided a link to a podcast of a sermon from their church (part of it dealt with not succumbing to the animal rights agenda but also treating animals ethically and with kindness). The sermon was titled "What Would Jesus Drive". Another list member responded with the following which gave me the biggest smile I have had in a while:

I am thinking that Jesus would drive the first car mentioned in the bible, which would be a Plymouth. For it says in Genesis that the Lord drove Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden in a Fury.

Now there's some wit!

New Words to Add to Your Vocabulary

Got one of those viral emails sent to spread a little good cheer. Although the introductory premise is incorrect (the "Mensa Invitational" is apparently imaginary, although the Washington Post has something called the "Style Invitational", check out this link for an intro). The idea - take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the results...

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

7. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

8. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

9. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

10. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.

11. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

12. Glibido: All talk and no action.

13. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

14. Arachnoleptic fit(n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

16. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

And the #1 pick:
17. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

I do believe that some of these I need to use!

Thought for the Day

Saw this on one of the lists I belong to. Hmmmmmm...

Handle every stressful situation like a dog.
If you can't eat it or play with it,
Pee on it and walk away.

What Celebrity Is Your Dog

This link was posted on a chat list I belong to - and for grins and giggles I did the little survey for Solo.

http://www.dogster.com/quizzes/celebrity_dog_quiz/

OMG - they NAILED it! Solo is the canine equivalent of Johnny Knoxville (one of the stars of an occasional guilty pleasure for me, MTV's Jackass - I know, I know....I just can't help myself sometimes).

Here's the description:

"Johnny Knoxville
Up for Anything

The kind of pet that can leap tall fences in a single bound (or not, but give it a shot anyhow), Solo is the original Jackass, Johnny Knoxville!

Going through the pain so you don't have to, Solo knows that he trots a fine line between funny and stupid, but he doesn't care—he's laughing about it all the way to the pet store. His over-the-top antics make you grimace with fear and you often find it hard to believe that he actually enjoys playing the class clown. But Solo laps it up and continues to defy the odds, despite your warnings and concerns. Other males in the pack tend to be a little jealous of Solo, but the females find him simply dreamy. A die-hard good ol' boy, Solo is more of a General Lee type than a Knight Rider, but give him enough time to think things through and he's sure to find a way to wreck both vehicles at the same time. "

That's the UberGoober to a "T"!

Humor in Advertising

While dealing with lower back issues, I've worked from home the last 2 days, and true to my multi-tasking (read...ADD) self, I've had the TV on while proofing the undergraduate catalog. Amazingly I am less distracted here at the house than at the office. Don't ask me why - that's just how it is. I actually feel I get more done with less fidgeting while working from home.

Anywho...during the course of the day I saw a commercial that tickled my funnybone. It was for the Clear Blue Easy digital pregnancy test. Its tagline - "Without a doubt, it is the most sophisticated piece of technology you will ever pee on." Hysterical. That's great marketing, in my opinion! It can poke fun at itself and leave an imprint on one's mind...so that if the need arises and the occasion warrants...that product would be easily remembered.

I enjoy folks that can poke fun at themselves. I'm not a particular fan of Timberlake - but did gain an appreciation of him when he hosted SNL and performed the unforgettable (and Emmy winning) " 'Junk' in a Box" song which poked fun at pop princes and their cheesy "hop in bed" ballads that were so predominant (and clogged MTV) in the 90s.

Back to the original subject....it is kind of ironic at all the research and technology that goes into developing a product such as the CBE test - only to have it used once by being peed on and ultimately tossed. It does seem a bit silly in the end.

ALERT - Virus Warning

This virus is called Worm Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote known as Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) or Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should forward this warning to your best drinking friends. If you do not have
best drinking friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

UGH - I am sooooooo infected!

Quotes for Today

Seen on a bumper sticker while driving back from San Antonio yesterday afternoon:

Who Would Jesus Bomb?

This one had me in stitches - it was in an article about reversible birth control for dogs.

"You always run into people who have an emotional attachment to their dog's
testicles," said Dr. Marty Becker, a veterinarian working in Idaho. They think it's their dog's God-given right to have his hairy jewel bag with all the goodies in it."

Now there's a visual I didn't need...."hairy jewel bag"? Oh my! But....he does speak the truth!

Full article online here